If you haven’t heard, memoirs are kind of in right now, and while I like to write, you probably won’t catch me writing one. This isn’t out of disrespect for the genre; in fact, I won’t try my hand at a memoir because I have too much respect for it. Honestly, what would I possibly … Continue reading Memoir
One month ago, I found myself 5 hours away from my Minneapolis apartment with ripped jeggings. I was just sitting down to have a nice meal with my family when I felt a bit of a draft. I looked down, fearing the worst. Sure enough there it was, on the inside of my right thigh. A nice, … Continue reading Ripped Pants and 5 Hours from Home: The Erin Stevens Story
It started with a phone call and it quickly deteriorated from there. He left three messages before I eventually called him back. All of the messages were some variation of "Hey Erin, it's Trainer Bro.* Just calling to let you know that with your new gym membership you get a free training session. Call me … Continue reading Story of an Unfortunate Hour- Erin and the Trainer
Hey, it's me. Given that my last blog post involved me committing a crime of parking on a piece of pizza, I'm sure many of you have guessed that I was busy, locked away in therapy sessions, trying to come to terms with what I'd done. I haven't been. In fact, I've probably eaten about 15 … Continue reading 24 Questions
That title seems a bit harsh, doesn't it? If you're reading this and feel that sensation in your nostrils that means you are, indeed, about to release an impressive amount of snot onto the computer screen, don't. Stop. It's not too late. Say "pineapple." (It works, don't doubt me!) Did you stop sneezing? Okay, good. … Continue reading Stop Sneezing.
You guys, it's almost here. Valentine's Day is tomorrow. In my biased eyes, the best holiday comes after Valentine's Day, which is when all the candy goes on sale. This for me is what Black Friday is to other shoppers. If you see me at 4 AM camped outside the Saint Louis Park Target, stop … Continue reading Happy National Singles Awareness Day
It's been two months since my last post, and while I'm sure a lot of the haters have written me off, I appreciate those who have been eagerly refreshing their browsers for the dullest news that defines my life. You're champions, every last one of ya. Not much has changed, except it's now 2016 which means it's … Continue reading New Year, Same Small Ears
Salutations, readers! Are the three of you still there? Oh... those are just three cardboard cutouts of me? Cool. Anyway, this is gonna be a very short post again, but seeing as cardboard cutouts can't actually read (...right?), I doubt anyone will be TOO upset. The BIG NEWS is that I have finally moved for … Continue reading Everything BUT the Bathroom Sink… literally.