24 Questions

Hey, it's me. Given that my last blog post involved me committing a crime of parking on a piece of pizza, I'm sure many of you have guessed that I was busy, locked away in therapy sessions, trying to come to terms with what I'd done. I haven't been. In fact, I've probably eaten about 15 … Continue reading 24 Questions

The Great Pizza Murder Mystery of 2016

If you're friends with me on Facebook, then you know about the great misfortune I experienced last week. On Tuesday, March 8, 2016 at approximately 7:17 AM in South Minneapolis, I entered the parking lot to attend my business group's weekly meeting. I was pulling into a parking stall with what I thought had a piece of … Continue reading The Great Pizza Murder Mystery of 2016

Stop Sneezing.

That title seems a bit harsh, doesn't it? If you're reading this and feel that sensation in your nostrils that means you are, indeed, about to release an impressive amount of snot onto the computer screen, don't. Stop. It's not too late. Say "pineapple." (It works, don't doubt me!) Did you stop sneezing? Okay, good. … Continue reading Stop Sneezing.

Happy National Singles Awareness Day

You guys, it's almost here. Valentine's Day is tomorrow. In my biased eyes, the best holiday comes after Valentine's Day, which is when all the candy goes on sale. This for me is what Black Friday is to other shoppers. If you see me at 4 AM camped outside the Saint Louis Park Target, stop … Continue reading Happy National Singles Awareness Day

New Year, Same Small Ears

It's been two months since my last post, and while I'm sure a lot of the haters have written me off, I appreciate those who have been eagerly refreshing their browsers for the dullest news that defines my life. You're champions, every last one of ya. Not much has changed, except it's now 2016 which means it's … Continue reading New Year, Same Small Ears

The Awkward Orchard

Sorry for the lack of posts, dear readers, but I've been busy wearing all two of my flannel shirts, drowning in cups of apple cider, and eating myself into pumpkin pie induced comas. In other words, it's October, the best month of the year because of all the fun fall activities that are calling my name. … Continue reading The Awkward Orchard

Anotha Year, Yo!

Whaddup readuhs, she's back! Though I'm sure even the cardboard cut outs have abandoned me at this point, the summer of neglect is over. Mainly because summer is also almost over, but whatever. Details. The point is, I'm all settled into my new apartment, and it's 450 sq. ft. of cozy, homey goodness. I finally … Continue reading Anotha Year, Yo!

Everything BUT the Bathroom Sink… literally.

Salutations, readers! Are the three of you still there? Oh... those are just three cardboard cutouts of me? Cool. Anyway, this is gonna be a very short post again, but seeing as cardboard cutouts can't actually read (...right?), I doubt anyone will be TOO upset. The BIG NEWS is that I have finally moved for … Continue reading Everything BUT the Bathroom Sink… literally.