If you're reading this, that means I'm a survivor. It means I'm no longer curled up on the couch armed with my Dirt Devil, a rolled up newspaper, and a bowl of popcorn. It means I'm not trapped in my kitchen, looking up at the ceiling in terror. There aren't many things that stir up … Continue reading BEE.
It started with a phone call and it quickly deteriorated from there. He left three messages before I eventually called him back. All of the messages were some variation of "Hey Erin, it's Trainer Bro.* Just calling to let you know that with your new gym membership you get a free training session. Call me … Continue reading Story of an Unfortunate Hour- Erin and the Trainer
Hey, it's me. Given that my last blog post involved me committing a crime of parking on a piece of pizza, I'm sure many of you have guessed that I was busy, locked away in therapy sessions, trying to come to terms with what I'd done. I haven't been. In fact, I've probably eaten about 15 … Continue reading 24 Questions
If you're friends with me on Facebook, then you know about the great misfortune I experienced last week. On Tuesday, March 8, 2016 at approximately 7:17 AM in South Minneapolis, I entered the parking lot to attend my business group's weekly meeting. I was pulling into a parking stall with what I thought had a piece of … Continue reading The Great Pizza Murder Mystery of 2016
That title seems a bit harsh, doesn't it? If you're reading this and feel that sensation in your nostrils that means you are, indeed, about to release an impressive amount of snot onto the computer screen, don't. Stop. It's not too late. Say "pineapple." (It works, don't doubt me!) Did you stop sneezing? Okay, good. … Continue reading Stop Sneezing.
You guys, it's almost here. Valentine's Day is tomorrow. In my biased eyes, the best holiday comes after Valentine's Day, which is when all the candy goes on sale. This for me is what Black Friday is to other shoppers. If you see me at 4 AM camped outside the Saint Louis Park Target, stop … Continue reading Happy National Singles Awareness Day
It's been two months since my last post, and while I'm sure a lot of the haters have written me off, I appreciate those who have been eagerly refreshing their browsers for the dullest news that defines my life. You're champions, every last one of ya. Not much has changed, except it's now 2016 which means it's … Continue reading New Year, Same Small Ears
Sorry for the lack of posts, dear readers, but I've been busy wearing all two of my flannel shirts, drowning in cups of apple cider, and eating myself into pumpkin pie induced comas. In other words, it's October, the best month of the year because of all the fun fall activities that are calling my name. … Continue reading The Awkward Orchard