Readers, I’m a fairly indecisive person. I mean, if you set a piece of veggie pizza or a bag of chocolate covered pretzels in front of me I’ll debate for about 10 minutes and ultimately try to find a way to eat them both. (Side note, I usually do). There are times, though, where I find myself succeeding in my goal to become a more snap-decision individual.

And then, as I’m shakily taking steps forward (like a newborn zebra or gazelle, but less graceful), something happens to HALT my progress. Such is the case of my next story. Brace yourself, as this story will crush dreams.

This story begins and ends on the Friday, October 3rd, 2014 at approximately 7:07 p.m. (the exact time is irrelevant, but 7:07 sounds pretty cool, am I right?). I arrived at the finest Shopko Eau Claire, Wis. could provide. The objective of this mission: to purchase an air mattress. I was to spend the weekend with old college buddies, participating in festivities of the Homecoming variety, and was crashing on one of my dearest friend’s living room floor.

Therefore, I needed an air mattress.

I entered the Shopko and quickly located the camping supplies, which contained three full rows of air mattresses. In my mind, the only criteria I had was: “How cheap can I go before this bed of air pops beneath me?” As I was reaching for the cheapest air mattress (I like to test the odds), two women came barreling around the corner.

“Oh good, we FOUND them,” one woman exclaimed. Before I knew it, I was sandwiched between two women armed with freshly clipped coupons and oversized purses. What’s worse was the conversation that accompanied their intrusion. I would also like to point out that they FOUND them… as if boxes of air mattresses had gone missing, or the Shopko employees decided to punk the customers and hide them in the greeting card section (not a BAD idea… April Fool’s anyone?). But, again, that’s not totally RELEVANT to my story.

“Oh, this is the one the coupon is for…but I don’t know, it doesn’t have a pump built in,” woman one said.

“Well, I recommend Colemann. They’re always reliable,” woman two replied. Note, she looked like she new her air mattresses.

“Oh, but this one’s so high. I imagine little Tommy rolling off of it at a sleep over and hurting himself,” Woman one said, biting her lip. Woman two ran her fingers over the various boxes containing what could either be the world’s greatest air mattress, or the worst big bag of air to ever hit the shelves.

Meanwhile, I retracted my hand from the box I’d been preparing to grab because I could no longer hear myself think. Was I actually going to pick that one? I thought. I didn’t remember. These women went back and forth, talking around me and bumping into me like I wasn’t witnessing their dilemma. Hell, they weren’t even aware of my own dilemma, which was to quickly select an air bed and go drink beer with my friends.

But then I started to doubt myself. There I was, attempting to FINALLY make an impulse, split-second decision, and these Ladies of the Air Mattress were making me doubt every decision I’d already made that day. Was that avocado toast the best choice for breakfast? Should I really have worn my black boots, or would the brown have been a better idea? (The jury is still out….#missedopportunities)

These women were so distraught and contemplative about which bed little Tommy should sleep on and were consulting coupons to double and triple check their choices, while I was merely looking at the price tag. (Sorry to disappoint ya, Jessie J… it’s all about that price tag)

Finally, fearing for my sanity, I grabbed the air mattress closest me– which, was NOT the cheapest one, and came with a detachable pump, in case anyone was wondering. As I was making my quick get away from the greeting card aisle camping section, I heard woman one say, “Oh, I think I like the air mattress that girl took. How did she make her decision SO FAST?” (LOL just kidding, but a girl can dream)

Here’s to wishful thinking and inspiring air mattress enthusiasts everywhere with my decision making and sixth sense for quality. And yes, after 4 months, my air mattress still retains its air like a champ. And no, I don’t remember what brand it was.

Now, since I’m so good at making decisions…anyone want to tell me what I should make for dinner?

-e